The Lost Episodes: Finding Love in the Big City XXV

By on August 31, 2009 @ 12:00 am

Finding Love In The Big City

Time waits for no one and that is oh so explicitly clear as I hear my biological clock “tick tock” louder than the ocean. Not saying that the ocean noise isn’t lovely and all, but hot diggity.

It seems that marriage is all around me — everyone I know is either shacking up, thinking about shacking up or glistening from the glow of shacking up.  It’s a new position to be in — the outsider looking in; not the outsider part, but the fact that I want into the the game the masses are playing:

(Cue the romantic music, the flowers budding and the aromatherapy smoke curles)

So I’ve always prided myself on being on the outskirts of the madness, walking to the beat of my own drummer — not cause its different, more because it felt like the natural direction to go.  But I’ve noticed myself staring at couples and then looking away because I don’t feel privy to it — a door with one of those hard core titanium locks that you have to pay 10 dollars and show ID to get the key made…

I feel like that.

There is nothing as natural as falling in love, watching it in bloom and smiling, but I realize that the smiles of admiration are becoming smiles of longing.

From what I’se done heard, everyone goes through this faze — either some sort of anger or disgust being around couples, running from the inevitable… settling down — The hammer!  I remember a time when love use to be the air I breathed — the want to meet someone, love them, and be there… but between all of that running around like a crazed loony tune I forgot to take care of myself, discover the things that make me special.

So here I am… a between a brick wall of security or the fantasy of moving on and living my dreams.

So more and more I’ve been feeling a call to the road — some sort of great American rediscovery.  And yes, only here is it acceptable to drop everything and “find yourself”.  I’ve always been a wanderer at heart — wondering what’s on the other side of the bend and will cross hell and high water to find it, sniff it in my hands and try to learn from it.

As wild as it may seem, living on the road is a calling.  I’ve perfected the tightest army roll known – taking a week’s worth of clothes and other girlie gear in a small duffel – the sleeping on a plane thing I’m still working on; hence, MORE reason for me to fly the coop.

It’s like the door has magically swung open to a world away and I’m suddenly hungry to see what’s out on the other side.

But can I forgive myself enough to walk out the door into a new world and leave the faded love haze behind and embrace the crisp air awaiting?

Guess we’ll find out.

Categories: Observation | Relationships

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Observations
Desiree August 31, 2009

I totally feel where you are coming from. People around me think I’m getting too old to have kids, but I don’t believe that. Yes, I’m single and long for the attention that just about everyone else around me has. However, I’m looking for a more long-term, permanent love. Not something that is just going to be here for the moment and through the holidays, but a love that is going to be around during my times of sadness, times of unbridled happiness and times of just wanting to quiet. I guess I will have to wait and see what’s in store for me. I hope it’s something great because it is time for me to be happy instead of just everybody around me. I want in on that thing called love.

Urban Thought August 31, 2009

Love, and the search for its truth takes time. How long is to be determined on a case by case basis. Some folk search for a lifetime for it. And then there are those folk who allow it to happen and it comes when you least expect it.

I hope you follow your heart and allow yourself to go with the journey that is calling your name. It would be an interesting trek to make and, I’m sure, a life altering experience.

The Orange Phoenix August 31, 2009

Desiree: Put the words of the naysayers and haters in the trash – I feel you on the search for the long lasting. I’ve been to way too many weddings this summer and heard those vows said over and over again to take the wrong person down the aisle.

UT: Thank you for the honesty and love as always, I need to be like you and fill up my passbook!

Desiree August 31, 2009

Thanks Phoenix! I have thrown all the negative things said in the trash and know that things take time. This is going to be a journey that I am willing to embrace with all of it’s grandeur. Whether it’s in my hometown or in another city, I am ready to engage in this long awaited trip.

Joy Winner-or-Whiner August 31, 2009

OMG, I am laughing harder than I have all week bcs of your featured video. ..although it is only Monday lol.

dej September 3, 2009

i feel u
let love comes if it comes
but if one more bastard gets married or pops out a lil alien baby….

The Orange Phoenix September 3, 2009

Dej : I feel exactly what you’re saying. These folks must think I’m make out of cash flow. . .

Keep the laughter (and comments) coming

Desiree September 3, 2009

The love willcome, it’s just a matter of when. I’m tired of seeing people spend all this money on a wedding just to get the following year. I want to be married one time and one time only. So, I’m willing to wait a bit longer for the one meant for me.

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