The Orange Phoenix | 6 Observations 
The birds are singing, painted toes are out and about and hormones are running wild - it must be Spring!! After a hard winter of lovelorn contemplation, I decided to once again step out of my comfort zone. No more online madness - better than that. . .
I think Chris Rock said it best - “Anytime a guy says hello to a girl, he’s saying ‘Want some dick?!’” It’s Spring, so I figured let me test this theory. Is it really true that every male hello is a mask for an indecent proposal aka booty call?
Experiment: Does every Male hello equivalent to asking for a romp in the hay?
Hmm, time to put this question to the test. So I have had this on again off again talking moments with this guy at work, SM, the same guy with alleged anal fetish, but seemed to redeem himself through his interest in Latin Dance. So I like him, we have great conversations and I happen to find him quite attractive, so I figured why not test out my theory on him - I wouldn’t mind boning him and even if it was bad, I could chalk up the experience as the necessary contribution I made to the scientific community . . . yeah I know it’s a stretch, but go with me on this one.
So I’m at work and I happen to be walking in the hallway and lo and behold, there he is in all of his fine glory - just scrumptious. He is talking to another male co-worker, so I’m hesitant to go over and join their conversation, as it may be private. They see me and call me over and we all start talking. We all catch up and do the pleasantries ‘cause we haven’t seen each other in a while.
Me: Sorry I haven’t been able to talk to you for a while, I’ve been having phone issues, so hopefully I’ll be back together again on Friday.
SM: (laughing) Oh, so that’s why you never called me back for that booty call.
It sounded just like when you take the needle off of a record abruptly - schurreeeeech. I and my other co-worker looked at him like he lost his mind.
SM: Hey, baby, seriously, I’m just kidding,
Though I may have been giving him the screw face, inside I was smiling because he was falling into my theory - so it was time to push the envelope. The three of us continued talking until the third wheel disappeared, leaving the two of us to chat. So we’re chatting and:
Me: So what if I said that I’d like to take you up on your offer
SM: Huh? What offer?
Me: The one you were “joking” about before; I find you attractive and really wouldn’t mind fucking you as I would really enjoy it.
SM: (Eyes real big) WHAT?!
Me: You heard me, I didn’t stutter, I’d like to fuck you - I mean, I want to get to know you better too, but honestly, I’m in the market for a new jump-off and I thought of you first.. You like to joke around, huh - what happens when it comes to life?
SM: (silence)
Why did this muthafucka turn beet red AND started coughing like I just smacked the shit out of him? It had to be the funniest thing I’d ever seen in my life!
I know you are wondering what he said. . .
SM was still speechless and then diverted the conversation by saying “let me walk you back to your office” as he was still coughing and giggling. I walked into my office cool as a cucumber leaving him still struggling to pull himself together to answer me.l
Me: Know this - this will be the only time this offer is made, so enjoy it as no one
will ever believe that I said that to you. Think about it. .
I haven’t seen him in a few days; hopefully he has recovered his breath and will have a snappy response. Otherwise in the name of science, I think Chris Rock’s theory has some holes in it.
What do you think?
| 2.5 |
Tags: dating, sex
He should have called you on your bluff or was it a bluff?
He folded up like a cheap lawn chair OP. Not only that, he now seems like he’s afraid of you. LOL! And he shouldn’t be. He does not get a passing grade in my book. But if you like him, go for it.
LMAO! That was great! I would loved to have seen the guy’s face! Well, you can bet you’ve got his brain in a knot right now. He still can’t figure out if you’re really serious or not, and now you are on his mind ALL DAY. He’s probably getting woodies anytime you cross his mind.
Please come back here and post what happens!
I agree with Chris Rock. Men are not looking to be friends with a woman. Unless you MAKE them be. And then, as a ‘friend’ is just biding his time, getting in close until that day comes when you’re emotionally weak, fresh from some break up, and needing some luv.
Then he’ll be your shoulder to cry on, hoping you won’t mind as his has begins to slide up your leg. Watch out! lol
When some strange guy out there says “hi, you look nice today” or “hi, beautiful,” etc he’s not thinking “wow, I bet she’s interesting and smart. I’d love to be her friend”. They’re thinking “Damn..nice set. I’d love to smash my face in those babies RIGHT NOW”.
They’re picturing bending you over and smackin’ that ass and making those puppies jump. Or some other hot, erotic scene with you naked.
The only guy that’s not thinking about doing you is either not attracted to you or gay. That “hello” or opening line is just a key they’re trying to see if it’ll open the door to some future p*ssy. I know I sound cynical, but it’s true! lol And many of my guy friends have confirmed that for me! I got it from the source!
Trust this…guys don’t waste their time trying to talk to girls that they don’t want to f*ck, and that’s a fact. Unless you’re a chick with a lead to a job, a $$$ opportunity or maybe some Knicks tickets or something. Or, you are the friend of a hot girl they want to f*ck. They are only friendly when there’s that little agenda at the end….your booty.
Now, I know that out of every 1 million men, there is the exception. But most are not saying hi to you just to talk about the weather.
I ain’t mad at y’all, thought, I just know your game!
Sorry. “I ain’t mad at y’all, though”
I’m a bit anal about spelling! lol
I am cracking up…I really wish you had a photo of THAT expression!
Ps: Love the Chris Rock
awww man
ida liked to have been a fly on the wall when that convo took place
what if he takes u up on the offer?
That was freakin’ hilarious! I wish I had the kiwis to do that! I go back and forth on the “men don’t want to be your friend/all they think about is sex” theory. I mean, there are plenty of men who are are motivated by their “Reptile” brain. However, I’ve also met men who WHO WUDDA THUNK IT, wanted more than just a piece of…well, you know, they wanted the whole package.
That guy - he sure has bad timing with his quips! I can see how his “booty call” remark could have been very funny BUT NOT AT WORK.