The Orange Phoenix | 7 Observations 
When has it become okay to allow ourselves to be as locked down as the men who look at prison bars and are banned from seeing the light of day?
While sitting here listening to my favorite radio station late at night, woman after woman relates their love through the airwaves to the men that have touched their lives, but can no longer touch them physically. Those on lockdown - Rikers and those upstate.
I sort of have mixed feelings on this. Who am I to make judgments on whom is most deserving of love when I am not and haven’t been in a very long time? At the same time, why would a vibrant free woman save themselves for someone locked behind bars when it is common knowledge that when the roles are reversed, no man will sit and wait, pine and fantasize over their woman behind bars.
I know that absence makes the heart grow fonder and the image of who that person is and was burns a hole deep inside, deep enough to self impose isolation from living. I just have to wonder why? Never having been in love with someone on the other side of the law, I’m only left to wonder about it: the mysteries of sold out prison buses packed to walls with women in their Saturday night’s best going to romance someone whom they can’t touch, hold or kiss - yet their love and utter devotion is stronger than loving someone on the outside.
Something about our memories remain pristine - forever untainted by the sadness and brutality of reality. Is it true that a loved one’s last kiss or arms caress when you can’t get to them resonates stronger? Is it burned into the backs of their eyelids while they sleep, scents tattooed into their fingertips, with the hope that they won’t have to wash their hands or souls of their loved ones love shared as they take the long and lonely bus ride home.
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Tags: Finding Love, jail
I just wrote asking women about this not to long ago.
I know a girl who is waiting for a her boyfriend who is doing 6 to 10 years for some drug related crime.
Personally, I am not waiting 6 to 10 months let alone years.
First, if he wanted me he wouldn’t be in prison.
Second, I have no interest in men who are living the street life.
Besides, those two tidbits. I think it is a complete waste waiting on a man who . . .
1)won’t wait on you if you were in the same shoes
2)can’t support you emotionally (when you are down/lonely), physically (when you want to be held), or finacially (more likely you will have to give him a couple of dollars) which brings me to
3)when he gets out, you will have to be the one taking care of him. Til/if he can get on his feet.
4)Who knows what DL practices he has been doing in prison.
Sorry, so long but, I could still go on.
“t the same time, why would a vibrant free woman save themselves for someone locked behind bars”
Yeah..Um….How about NO Thank You.
I imagine there are as many motives for behaviour as there are people, but one thought occurred to me: as long as she’s devoted to someone on the inside, her chances of being physically abused are greatly reduced. Sad…
That bus leaves from outside the job. A few blocks away. I’ve seen those people lined up late at night, early morning to get that seat and make it to see their significant other.
I remember one time I was walking down to TSQ and some female came up on me saying she was looking for the bus. I asked her which bus but she seemed hesitant. I’m thinking I can’t help you if you don’t know yourself. But I put two and two together and I told her where the bus was. She then said, “you know which bus I’m talking about?” I told her of course I did or I wouldn’t have been able to direct you. I then asked her how long he was in for… She told me three years. That’s a long time as far as I was concerned.
I have to say that I have to agree with all of you about the whole waiting out a brother during his time. Life can change in the matter of weeks, much less missing a decade away from someone.
Sharon: you hit it on the head when you said ” Who knows what DL practices he has been doing in prison.”
Lavenderbay: another reality that comes from a life of crime and pent up anger.
UT: I remember the first time I learned about the bus, I was maybe 13 or 14 when I was walking around Columbus Circle late at night with my Mom and I asked why all those women and children were out so late at night with pillows and bags in tow…
to each his own i guess
never say never but
i just cant see myself doing that
ok
yes i can
only if i was married
the person had no prior criminal record
and i believed they didnt commit the crime for which they were incarcerated
then and only then
who am i kidding?
i cant say shit until im in those shoes
I agree with Dejanae to a point. If it is a man I am MARRIED to, and know he was going to jail for a crime he didn’t commit, I’d have to support him. There might have to be some compromise on that depending on how much time he’s doing. Up to 3 to 5 years… that is conceivable. I’ll visit, write, support emotionally til this thing is done. In the meantime, although his incarceration is really no fault of his own, he can’t worry about how and who with I’m spending my time on the “outside”. My life is not gonna stop. I’m going to do what I want and need to do. That’s just how I am. I’m practical.
The fact that I don’t EVER date criminals, thugs or street types precludes me from even having to deal with any of that, and that’s the way it’s gonna stay.
I’m proud of my ability to make intelligent choices when it comes to partners. I basically date myself (male version) lol.
But every now and then, there is a special circumstance. And that has to be considered.
Women out there just pining away and waiting for some street fool, though? They themselves are fools. Ain’t that much lonely in the world!