No Address, Part 3: I Wish She Never Met You!
By Urban Thought on April 12, 2008 @ 12:30 am
Continued from No Address, Part 2:
Don’t you realize who my family is? These are the same folk you used to run the streets with. Come on duke. You and my uncle were tight back in the day. His memory is like an elephants. He never forgets. Don’t you know he has total recall? So don’t act like I wouldn’t find out about you. People tell me things I don’t care to know. I won’t mentioned them cause I think it may be too much for you to recall. Actually, it isn’t about you. I don’t care to talk about them. Funny how the past works… It always creeps up on you. That is one critter I don’t want crawling on me.
I see you sitting there, next to her. People are looking at me wondering what I’m thinking. It’s her day. I’m happy for her. I love her. I cannot take that away from her. She’s aware of how I feel about you. She knows. She knows. But this is her day.
You know you have this woman’s heart? You don’t have to answer that. I know you know. That is what we do. We do that to people. We always take a little for ourselves. Leaving them with nothing to show for it. But unlike you and what you may have filled their head with they know I’m not sticking around. There is no mystery disappearance in the night on my part. I’m leaving and saying good-bye. We part ways, its understood, I wasn’t for you. You knew it from the beginning. Just tell them where your mind is at. This way if they get hurt its there own fault. But you don’t understand that.
I recall the few times we’ve hung out. You took me to some African’s house. They did some tribal ritual. Someone got their face cut, some National Geographic ish. I remember the chanting. I remember the yelling. All that smoke. What was that? Why did you take me there?
I remember the time you took me home. I don’t know where we were coming from but I remember what happen. You grabbed me by my coat and ripped it. You ripped my coat like you purchased it yourself. You didn’t put that coat on my back, my mother did. Were you crazy? I think about that now. How are you ripping other people’s property? You probably don’t remember though. I do. It sits with me.
Do you know I remember meeting your mother? I do. I recall being in her home. She was odd to me. I wasn’t sure if she was clear as to who I was. I remember that being the first and last time I saw her. I only wonder today if she is still alive or not. I don’t recall any family mentioning that she was gone.
I often wish she never met you. Honestly, I wish she had found better. If she had I wouldn’t be here. So I thank you for that. I thank you for having a hand in me being in the world. She is the greatest of people. I know why you dealt with her. I can see the qualities in her. I’m glad I don’t look like you, but I see that I do have some of your traits. You’re with your hands. I’m good with my hands. You like building things. I build things. You’re a ladies man. Well, I do well in that department too. I get it. We have much in common. However, your shortcomings make me want to be a better man. I won’t be spreading my seed around. I’m way too selfish for that. And I don’t want to end up as bad as you at taking care of kids. In fact, they are going in a bag for disposal every time. So we won’t have any issue there. I told myself a long time ago not to have anything I couldn’t give my all to; so no relationships for me. I’m too selfish, like you. But I know not to get anyone else involved in my selfishness.
I thought I’d just let you know that you served your purpose. No hard feeling on my part. I hope you never come to mind again. But if you do I’ll be sure not to write another letter.
I would send this to you but… I don’t have your address.
Observations
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Wow. Makes me think of James Baldwin’s “Sonny’s Blues”. Your subject matter makes it hard (= sad) to read; your honesty makes it compelling.
Haven’t figured out how to do trackbacks yet, but thought you might want to know that your blog was mentioned in my April 11 entry. Thanks for the inspiration!
Thanks for stopping by my blog the other day.
This was a powerful heart felt post.
I was wondering if you would consider donating to the March of Dimes in honor of Tristan, my preemie. I have a donation badge on my blog on the bottom right and any little amount would be great. We are walking in the March for Babies on May 3rd, here in Oak Ridge, TN.
Thanks and much love!
Oh, now I see.
Sorry…
Lavenderbay: Welcome and thank you for stopping by. I’ll have to read Sonny’s Blues. Oh… and thx for the link love.
Shannon: I’m glad you liked it. I’ll stop by and see what I can give.
IW: What are you sorry for? Was it too much?