Back into the swing of the dating pool, feeling more confident about having attracted more people, getting more looks on the subway ride to work (aside from the homeless men looking at me as if I’m a Human ATM Machine), I decide to diversify my assets. . . see what it’s like to date more than one person at the same time and see if I can get all the names, dates and idiosyncrasies correct without calling out the wrong name. So enter ONLINE DATING - yeah!!!

Where else can one order up your potential mate like you would a hamburger? Can I get blue eyes, brown skin, bald head, 6′0, super intelligent, masculine, ruggedly handsome, sensitive man who enjoys long walks on the beach and calls his mother on Sunday afternoons and an order of fries on the side? Now that sounds like it’s worth a try. I have been down the online dating road once before and the guy I met from it was pretty nice, but of course there was that one thing I couldn’t put my finger on. . . hmm. . . oh yeah - he was CRAZY! I figure the first time must have been a fluke, so twice won’t kill me.

So to somehow avoid the fees that a Match.com or an eHarmony or a chemistry.com come with, I figure that meeting someone through my e-mail carrier could work. There are millions of people in cyberspace, so someone with the same url name couldn’t hurt - free chatting, etc, so I use their personals page with the intent to freak the system and contact someone cool without having to pay. Sounds like a great plan, right?

So the whole creation of this profile is nuts, there are so many ways that someone can lie on this, but I am generally an honest person, so I actually create a profile that is truthful - my dreams, aspirations, what I actually look like (not the porn star off of bigbooty.com) and I feel good about it. I’m not ugly/a freak of nature or afraid of people, so I think I have a good shot of a match. I purposely choose pictures that don’t show any skin thinking that will eliminate the freakazoids, just one of my face. If they are struck by my face, then they will love the body too. Push send and off it goes and voila. . I am now one of the masses looking for love.

As much as you filter these things, the freaks still come through:

34, Are you that somebody. . . I WANT TO FUCK
27, Big Girls need not apply
30, Looking for a mother for my kids

Whatever! I want real people. So I start writing to this guy who seems to have it altogether: college educated, 30, works in the legal field, loves music, has a bald head, speaks four languages, is 6′0, has a bald head and is into the arts. Bingo! We begin to converse and his voice is even sexier than his brain and his picture. Sensitive, seems worldly, enjoys the simple things in life - wow, this is great! We stay up all night and talk about politics, music (I am totally turned on and want to do this guy on sight). Night after night, I am flabbergasted by his sensitivity, intelligence and aspirations to the point where I should be asleep but instead I am on the phone for 5-6 hours at a time. We decide on a time to meet and I am so excited…

finally someone fully worth my time

We meet after work, and its like two worlds collided. If you have ever seen Ghost Busters when Sigourney Weaver’s character finally meets Rick Moranis:

“Are you the gatekeeper?”

“Are you the key master?”

And they are on each other like dogs in heat - yup that was me! I wouldn’t recommend that on a first date, but hey you live once right? Post lovin’, we start talking. You know when things seem too good to be true. . .

Well they were. . .

Up Next… Too Good To Be True

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