Dance with Me: Finding Love in the Big City XI
By The Orange Phoenix on February 4, 2008 @ 12:00 am
After about a week of wondering if he is going to call or was he indeed a bullshitter like the rest, Secret Admirer calls and we chat it up.
At first glance, I can’t really tell what his ethnicity is and I’m curious. It’s rare to meet someone where you aren’t sure what box they check. I’m not saying that it’s right to categorize someone by their racial grouping, but I’m apt to wonder how they see the world since nowadays everyone is moving towards shades of gray. The funny thing was he asked me about my ethnic makeup, which I thought was clear as day (brown skin = Black person), but I guess we all live in shades of gray. So after I explain the familial makeup, he tells me that he is bi-racial (half Black, half White), but he was raised by his white family. If this is my foray into interracial dating, then having half of what I’ve always known and half that is foreign is the best way to ease into the other end of the dating pool – baby-steps it is.
THE DATE
Why is it whenever you are going on a date with a new person, the jitters move into your brain and make you think that you have nothing to wear? You may have a closet filled with fabulous clothes and enough shoes to make Imelda Marcos jealous, but none of it is good enough because you don’t want to make the wrong impression. I must have tried on ten different outfits:
- too professional – toss
- too much skin – toss
- too little skin – toss
- too baggy – toss
- too country-western – toss
- it isn’t that dirty (smell test), yes it is – toss
ARGHHH!
See, this is why I’ve always dated when I was in a controlled situation – at school (since everyone is wearing pajamas anyway, no one cares) or at time when your clothes don’t matter (does this uniform make me look 20lbs overweight, nah girl, we all look like penguins, so roll with it). I tossed on a pair of jeans and a nice sweater and hoped that the outfit said: “Hi I’m friendly, sexy, smart, and not too easy, but willing to entertain takers if you are bold enough.” Crossing my fingers – out I went.
We met at the train station and headed towards the club. Typically I wouldn’t say that going to a club would be an appropriate first date, but going salsa dancing isn’t like going to your local freak-dancing joint. You have to have some sort of style and finesse to dance Salsa – and most importantly ‘rhythm’ so you don’t step on your partners toes. He was quite upfront with me about not being good at Salsa, but wanted to go because he wanted to learn how. (I wore tougher shoes, to protect my toes…) We got to the club and they had an introductory dance lesson for everyone, which I found great ’cause it has been a VERY long time since I have been out at a Salsa club. It was reminiscent of a speed-dating type thing. You learned the intro steps and then practiced with ten different people before the club actually got jumping.
You learn a lot about yourself and others when you dance with them. I realized that I like to lead and it was difficult to have to give up the power to a partner. Some of the schmucks I danced with were horrible – not necessarily as dancers, but as leaders – either
too aggressive or our rhythms didn’t match.
There was this one guy who thought HE was the instructor and kept telling me what I was doing wrong, but had no clue on how to help me fix it. Then there was the overly touchy guy, who keeps feeling up my arms and my back during our brief partnership. The guys that I had fun with were flashy and quiet leaders, guys who led so well that you wanted to follow and be in sync with their rhythm. Practice time over – time for the big leagues.
That was my first formal lesson in salsa and I was surprised to discover that I was doing things wrong. When you learn how to dance from friends or dance in the street at block parties, you don’t get the finesse and technique that a dance teacher will give you, but you do get the fun and the flashiness that only comes naturally. It was refreshing. Something about partner dancing strips you of all of your ‘worries and cares’ about looking stupid and you just hone in on your partner and just do your best to make your own personal rhythms coincide.
OUR FIRST DANCE
Maybe it was the speed of the song, the way the light was in the room, or maybe it was the alcohol talking, but something clicked. He stepped on my toes a few times and I on his, but when we looked into each others eyes, everything made sense. I felt freer than I have in a long time – protected, taken care of and beautiful. I was reluctant to let him go and so was he. Three hours of dancing later we left and went our separate ways, no kiss, but a meaningful hug that was probably more sensual than a kiss could have ever been.
Maybe there is something to this match maker thing… date 2 perhaps?
Observations
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Wheeee! Sounds great! He sounds great! You sound a bit nervous but not well, that worried. I’m rooting for the both of you. It doesn’t hurt that he’s been admiring you for a while!
Hi Ms. Q!
I am nervous – not trying to get my hopes up at all, but I so want to though. . .