Standing Still:Still Standing

By on October 4, 2007 @ 6:18 pm


For the past couple of months, I’ve been somewhat at a standstill. Many things were consuming my mind and taking a major toll on me. I was so out of the loop and I didn’t feel like myself. No ambition, no determination, no will and drive to work, eat or do the things I’ve grown accustomed to doing. This brought me to a place where I didn’t want to be and at the same time, couldn’t get out of no matter how hard I tried. There was so many trials and tribulations that seemed to present themselves all at once and I found myself deep in a depression. Taking on the pain of my loved ones, trying to deal with my own situations and not knowing which way to turn, all the while praying for the strength to make it through without incident. The only thing I could come up with was that God was preparing me for some major changes. Not only for myself, but for the people around me as well.Little by little, the smoke cleared and I began to feel alive again. I couldn’t have made it that far if it wasn’t for my faith, encouraging words and upliftment from my true friends/family, and the will to survive and not settle. I’m the first to tell someone not to wallow in their sorrows. Therefore, I had to live by my own words.

It wasn’t until a few days ago that the chains were actually lifted from my shoulders and I could feel free from my burdens. I stood still and waited for God to work on me instead of trying to control my own situation. I couldn’t see myself walking around blind with a map and no destination. I needed to see the road laid out for me so I could walk the right path. And I’m so thankful for the people God has placed in my life and kept there because I could not do this alone.

Now, I’ve been blessed with a second job. I’ve been blessed with a car. I’ve been blessed with genuine friends. I’ve been blessed with this day. Things haven’t come full circle and in due time they may. I’m also prepared for the fact that maybe they won’t. I do know that all things are possible through the Lord who is my Savior and the children of God will always be taken care of. I’m still standing and no longer standing still. The red light has turned green again and I’m so humbled to be on the move again.

This blog is dedicated to my dearest friends: God, Mom & Pop Dukes, my oldest Sister Ace, my brother in law Freddie, my cousin Shorty, my nigga Daquone, my brother Killa Bee, my best friend Q, my first love Maino, my down ass homie East Oakland106, JJ, Qua, Shon J, Wood, Tiff-Tiff, Mecca, Moe Rich, Auntie Javelle, Jai, C-Money01, Na Na, Black, Lerod, Robby, Tony-P, Prophet, Kelvin, Unc, Troy J, Xalted, my nigga Esco, MrImprov, Chocolate Slim504, Shika, my girl A. Keys, and LoveY.

I apologize if I forgot anyone. Just know that I keep you near to my heart and thank you for all of your time, effort and patience with me. God Bless!

Categories: Observation

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Ms. Q October 6, 2007

I don’t know exactly what you went through but I think I have a very good idea. I am sure you know that I know (!!) since you read my blog!

I am glad you’re feeling like life is moving forward again and that your burdens hare lifting. Dang if it doesn’t sound like our lives were running a bit in parallel! I think that when it comes to these times, we really do have to have faith: in ourselves and in our higher power. When you’re used to being the one in control (and it sounds like you are) it is difficult to “Let go and let God” as I’ve heard the saying. I also like to see the map and the road and sometimes you just have to keep searching and waiting and having faith that “the way will be shown” and when you have that faith, sooner or later, the way IS shown. I too am grateful for my friends and when I was wandering around lost, a friend sent me the perfect card with the saying, “And if every way is closed before you, the secret one will show a secret path no other eyes have seen.” – Rumi

Thanks for sharing that you were in a deep depression. I never got deep but the “shallow end” wasn’t that fun and feeling lost…well, I’m glad that it is over for you. Besides having faith, one thing that kept and keeps me going is the idea of not settling. When we settle not only do we lose but the world loses a bit of something as well.

Our Deepest Fear
by Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Every time I’ve gone through a difficult time, I’ve come out stronger with a greater belief in myself and my ability. Each time I survive it increases my faith in being able to deal with any future difficulties. Like you wrote, things may not come full circle. One thing I’ve learned is that it may not be obvious while you’re dealing with difficulties but with faith, you will find yourself in a much larger and more beautiful circle.

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