So out of 750,000 men this big ‘ol city, how is it that I ran into not just one. . . but 3 of my ex’s within a 3 hour period!! Okay so this is some serious shit - social relations with an ex is always touchy business. I mean think about it, what exactly is an ex? Some one you use to EX-perience life with hoping that you could build something beautiful with, that person who brought you both EX-treme pleasure (hopefully) and pain (most definitely); And currently they are that special person you have conveniently “EX’ed” out of your life to save your sanity. Okay so now that we are all clear with that definition, on to the madness.

In Order of Appearance:
EX #1: A musician (wannabe)
EX #2: A Mortgage broker (former Music exec.)
EX #3: An actor/voice-over guru

So I have provided a key so you don’t get confused.
The back story:

EX #1 and I were together for 7yrs, were engaged and the shit hit the fan when I found out he had a side chick for a year.
EX#3: After finding out about the side chick, I left EX #1 for EX#3, but left him (EX#3) for EX#1 in the attempts of a reconciliation and then went back to EX#3 after finding out from EX#1’s side chick that he was two-timing both of us with another girl. (Yes confusing I know, hence the key.) Then I left EX#3 ‘cause he ended up being trifling.
EX#2 isn’t as interesting as the other two, but he turned out to be a male-chauvinist that I had to kick to the curb in the name of Women’s Lib.

Okay – so the story. So I was sitting shotgun in a car at a red light, jamming to the radio, I look out of my window and approx 5 feet away from the car and coming closer is EX#1 and his friend crossing the street. My heart leapt into my stomach in complete shock. To say the least, this was someone that I moved to the end of the Earth to avoid, changed my phone number and all that drama and here he is about to come towards the passenger side window. Okay, so what do you do in this situation? A. Sit there and hope he doesn’t see you (when you know he did) or B. Run that red light like a bat out of hell or C. Open the car door and be gracious. . .
If you chose A or C – you’sa damn fool. I told the person driving to FLOOR IT and if she got a ticket I’d pay for it.

So we are on the road and my heart has returned to its proper place in my chest. We get to my apartment and figure that we should pick up some munchies, ‘cause that is what ladies do when we are kickin’ it and I walk into the Bodega, mediate if it is a Haagen –Daas Dulce de Leche or Cookies and Cream night and who is standing behind me. . . EX#2 with this big ‘ol silly grin on his face ‘cause he has been watching me bend over to reach the ice cream. So we are in close quarters, no exit strategy like last time, so I go with choice C and be gracious, which he takes as an excuse to attempt to cop a feel – oy!

So out of the store I go as fast as humanly possible, knowing that he is watching me walk, which is always uncomfortable, head back upstairs to the safety of my house. Finally I think I’m safe and bam technology betrays me, who do I get an e-mail from – EX#3. Okay, I read the subject line – Thursday – seems harmless enough, it could be one of those stupid forwards that people send to you when they don’t have enough time to write you an actual note. I’m brave and I open it and what does it say – what are you doing Thursday? Wanna see you, come over and I’ll cook you dinner . . . AHHHHHHHH

This is a nightmare! People become ex’s for a reason, not to pop back up in other people’s lives to drive them crazy. Okay I guess out of 750,000 men in this big City, I’m now down by three – 749,997 left to meet.

- The Orange Phoenix