The Orange Phoenix | 5 Observations 
So in a city of 8 million possible love connections (well maybe 4 million as that eliminates women and children) I am starting to wonder if I’m just too picky to find love. So what does love look like - that last embrace or googly-eye thing as your subway pulls off or grasping your partner’s hand as you bravely dash into oncoming traffic trying to reach the other side of the street before getting hit by an MTA bus or my favorite - young love connection over Mister Softee ice cream - with that blaring song in the background.
So It’s summertime, that usually brings out the freak in us all, short skirts, exposed arms, shoulders and for the daring - boobs on parade. So I have to wonder to myself - what am I doing wrong to attract the losers, weirdos and the terminally unemployed? Maybe I’m showing too much boob/butt - well can’t help that cause I’m ample in both categories. What does one do to peak a love connection? I’m educated with love for the ‘hood. I’m not looking for someone to pay my bills, as I do that pretty well for myself, and Damn it, I’m fine.
So I thought I had a love connection the other day - He was FINE - tall, olive skinned, had all his teeth . . . and had a brain. What happened . . . He got kids! Damn - another one bites the dust. Okay, so out of the 4 million possible love connections I could have - I guess half of that has children, which leaves 2 million, another half of that ain’t interested in me (a woman) and then probably a quarter of that number are probably trifling! So really - that actually leaves me with 750,000 men to choose from - quite a drop from 8 million.
What’s a girl to do?
- The Orange Phoenix
| 2.5 |
Tags: Finding Love
Orange Phoenix: You’re singin’ my song, the song of the Single Woman who Has It Going On but ain’t Gettin’ It On.
Actually, my guess is we could get it on if we were willing to make … concessions.
It’s interesting that you live in a big city and are probably out and about (I either work from home or am out of town for work) and can’t meet compatible men.
What’s a girl to do you ask? Well, I’m told we should:
-Volunteer
-join a church
-join a fitness club
-join something with like-minded people
I am not a joiner of things and if I did, I would rather I joined something because of interest, not to meet a man.
Since I’m out of town so often and not a joiner, I have been doing the online personals thing. I figure it at least increase my chances of meeting someone! I’m 42 so my age is a difficult one - men my age are ready to get married and want children so go for younger or they are divorced and are burnt out and just want to have fun so they are looking at younger women.
BUT, the few men I have finally met (my profile was written to attract a certain type) have all been highly intelligent and well, thoughtful and thinking men. No bad dates. Unfortunately, no Love Connection, either.
Online dating can be a bit ego-deflating.
If you don’t have an online dating profile, most sites (Yahoo, Match) offer free profiles so you could be “passive” if you want. My profile is usually passive - I can’t hack all the searching and emailing for more than 3 months at a time. It’s tiring and a bit draining emotionally.
What are you doing wrong? I wish I had the answer. Are you too picky? I have no idea. I did read an interesting book - “The Year Of Yes” (there’s a website by the same name) by Maria Dahvana Headley. The author decided to say YES to anyone who asked her out. She went out with other women, taxi drivers, a homeless guy - she ended up meeting her future husband by saying yes! If she wasn’t in YES mode, she would not have ever gone out with him.
The book did make me think. A male friend said that too often women overthink when asked out on date - they’ll say no because they guy is from out of town and they already are thinking, “But then I’ll have to move!” when really, IT’S JUST A DATE, not a marriage proposal.
I look forward to reading more of your thoughts on finding love in The Big City.
LOL! MSQ with the whole concessions thing. But I can understand that problem and it’s not fun.
Orange Phoenix I’m sure the right one is out there as New York is a pretty dynamic place. And if you are educated and fine, then I’m sure you’ll find the right guy this summer. How could any well meaning, self respecting man pass you up? Hang in there and good luck.
Oh its terrible to be Single. Looking. Dating. (with ample boobs…but not on parade).
I’m in the same place in my life right now too. Every time I “go out” ….I seem to attract married men (for some annoying reason) which pisses me off to no end.
I loved MsQ’s advice and comment, but I hated online dating, maybe it was my profile? Hmm…
Sorry, I have no advice, since I am in the same boat!
HANG IN THERE…
750,000 still seems like a sizable pool…
MsQs advice sounds good too. Even if you’re NOT a joiner, if you join something you actually ENJOY, it seems like even if you DIDN’T meet a guy, you’d still at least be enjoying yourself in a productive way. And whether or not you met a man you really liked, you’d still be meeting people…people with brothers & uncles and nephews…
I thought about trying the online dating thing this summer while I have the time. But I dunno…
Losers & weirdos don’t particularly bother me.
:-) 
I don’t know anyone terminally unemployed. I guess it would only make a difference to me what he spent all that extra time *doing*.
At the moment, though, I appear to prefer men who have great big giant signs on their foreheads with warnings stating the wide variety if reasons I shouldn’t date them and could never be with them long term… :-0 :-0 :-0
Jill: Didn’t you read the small print on those signs? “If you can read this, you’re too close?”